a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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