so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
please come you make the beer taste better
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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