I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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