White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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