I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
