Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
