Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
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