is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
