I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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