So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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