Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Vodka?
Forever.
NoShamevember. You game?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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