Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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