I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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