Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
