the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
