Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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