It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
