I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
whose parrot is this?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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