Got a toothbrush?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
