***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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