I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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