Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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