youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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