hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
