so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
