At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
