everyone is single if you try hard enough
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
