I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
