I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
