They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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