the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
