he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
