my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.