No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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