i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.