Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I will find, mount, and marry that person.