she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And then my night got REAL pukey
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.