Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch