i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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