I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
