You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
