Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
