Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
