how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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