isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
