The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize