youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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