as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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