I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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