Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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