dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
