ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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