So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
