He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
