I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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