They should really pass out barf bags in church
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
