Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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