We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
