So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
