What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
