Your mouth is God's brothel.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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