does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
