He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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