i think i have herpe
just one?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
