first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
