There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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