I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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