Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think people are normalizing furries
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
