he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
