all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
