So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
