It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
