I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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