between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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